In no particular order.
1. The FBI just granted itself new powers
I wish I had the authority to grant myself new powers without any oversite or regulation, don't you?
2. NATO bombs Libyan University
After all, what's more humanitarian than blowing up a university?
Actually, they might be on to something there, now that I think about it.
3. Ordinance requires renters to surrender their keys to the government
You know, cuz in case of an emergency, it's so much easier to go to a lock box, sort through all the keys, and unlock the door than it is to break it down. Oh wait, the 'property damage'. Thanks for thinking about the integrity of MY FUCKING DOOR incase of an emergency (like a fire). I'm sure my insurance company will appreciate that.
4. Pay those student loans or the SWAT TEAM will get you!
A little old now, but still pretty fucking impressive. Really, it pretty much speaks for itself. And while we're on this subject,
5. Debtor Prisons are back in style, baby!
6. Don't film police brutality or they'll take it out on you!
Now, granted I understand how things might get in the heat of the moment. You see someone you think looks suspicious after a massive shootout, you take precautionary actions. I get that. But this increasingly common trend of destroying phones and cameras is what really troubles me about this. This is certainly not the first case I've heard of someone having to hide their SIM card to prevent the videos from being destroyed.... Looks like if you plan on capturing Americas finest in action, you better have a plan in place to smuggle your videos after they destroy your equipment. Balloons: not just for cocaine any more!
7. Fukushima waters 10X worse than Chernobyl
Your daily dose of optimism from Japan. Hmm... Sushi sounds good for dinner tonight!
8. No Freedom of Food (Farmageddon Trailer)
Looks like there's a new documentary out exposing the crackdown of horrible, unhealthy, disease-laden organic foods! Good thing I can still get my 18% ground beef $.99 mondo-burritos from Tacobell!
9. Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Pakistan, Syria... Hey, why not bomb Yemen too?
At this rate, I agree. Why the fuck not. Lets just expedite the process and do a preemptive strike on China while we're at it.
10. "Oh yeah, that plane that we loaded up with 6.6 billion dollars. Umm.. yeah. We think someone stole it."
I litterally lol'd
I've got a few more to update, but I'll try to get around to those later this afternoon.